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connections. Their lodgings were not long a
secret, and at length they began to know the officers themselves. Mr.
Phillips visited them all, and this opened to his nieces a store of
felicity unknown before. They could talk of nothing but officers; and
Mr. Bingley's large fortune, the mention of which gave animation
to their mother, was worthless in their eyes when opposed to the
regimentals of an ensign.
After listening one morning to their effusions on this subject, Mr.
Bennet coolly observed
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and she so well only last week! Is she took bad?”
“It ain't no name for it. They set up with her all night, Miss Mary
Jane said, and they don't think she'll last many hours.”
“Only think of that, now! What's the matter with her?”
I couldn't think of anything reasonable, right off that way, so I says:
“Mumps.”
“Mumps your granny! They don't set up with people that's got the
mumps.”
“They don't, don't they? You better bet they do with _these_ mumps.
These mumps is different. It's a new kind, Miss Mary Jane said.”
“How's it a new kind?”
“Because it's mixed up with other things.”
“What other things?”
“Well, measles, and whooping-cough, and erysiplas, and consumption, and
yaller janders, and brain-fever, and I don't know what all.”
“My land! And they call it the _mumps_?”
“That's what Miss Mary Jane said.”
“Well, what in the nation do they call it the _mumps_ for?”
“Why, because it _is_ the mumps. That's what it starts with.”
“Well, ther' ain't no sense in it. A body might stump his toe, and take
pison, and fall down the well, and break his neck, and bust his brains
out, and somebody come along and ask what killed him, and some numskull
up and say, 'Why, he stumped his _toe_.' Would ther' be any sense
in that? _No_. And ther' ain't no sense in _this_, nuther. Is it
ketching?”
“Is it _ketching_? Why, how you talk. Is a _harrow_ catching--in the
dark? If you don't hitch on to one tooth, you're bound to on another,
ain't you? And you can't get away with that tooth without fetching the
whole harrow along, can you? Well, these kind of mumps is a kind of a
harrow, as you may say--and it ain't no slouch of a harrow, nuther, you
come to get it hitched on good.”
“Well, it's awful, I think,” says the hare-lip. “I'll go to Uncle
Harvey and--”
“Oh, yes,” I says, “I _would_. Of _course_ I would. I wouldn't lose no
time.”
“Well, why wouldn't you?”
“Just look at it a minute, and maybe you can see. Hain't your uncles
obleegd to get along home to